Everyday StoriesYYY
Saturday, November 01, 2008,8:36 PM
a bad halloween night ..
met up with something yesterday that left us both in in heat and rage.
i was fuming and worried at the same time.
i don't know which is more, but i guessed that worrying for his safety eventually takes up a larger space in me, which is the reason why i held onto him so tightly, afraid that if i let go of him, i will lost him too.
but once again i was frustrated with myself, even though i was clearly being picked on, there was nothing i could do except feeling angry. i felt really helpless. i couldn't even find the courage to stand up for myself.
why am i so useless.
i didn't think that in this era, there will still be someone like him who are so narrow-minded.
even though i know that some will not approve of this, but never in my life did i expect this to happen. i was not prepared to face this. it was like a slap on my face that woke me up from my perfect dream, only then i started to ponder.. how much more of these will happen to us again... am i ready to face these discrimination?
Labels: frustration, sadness
Monday, September 08, 2008,12:30 PM
The Original "YOU COMPLAIN!" Series
it's time for ... "
YOU COMPLAIN!"
i want to complain!!!!
this week is going to suck big time, i just know it!
i'm soooo used to meeting him at least one FULL day per week.. but, he got no weekends off this week. to add to my misery, he don't want meet me on one of his (2) off days, which is today.. the most dreadful monday!!! immediately, my monday has just become bluer.
he just don't get my point, why choose for it to be this week, where we only have so little time to spend together this wk, and on monday somemore. hais.
i'm already so dreading and hating this week that i'm ready to sob my eyes dry. and now, it has just become worse.
ahhhhhhh... might as well don't meet this whole week, maybe next week.. and the week after.. turn it into a marathon..
you can spend it all for your personal time.
who can understand how i feel. i seriously doubt it.
that's all for my complain. bye.
Labels: moody, rumbling^, sadness
Saturday, July 05, 2008,4:46 PM
will the curse takes effect again?
as the date draws near, i'm starting to lose confidence, especially when these things starts to happen. will history repeat itself?
my heart was and still is in pain.
regardless of the number of times, whenever my mind revisits the scene, i still feel a sharp stab onto my heart.
never did i think that he will do this to me. it was just a small issue, and yet.
before, he told me that if it was another person, he will do it without hesitation, but he just can't bring himself to do it when its me. but see what happens now.
that is why, i knew its starting, i will be treated for granted as the time starts to pass by.
my heart is shattered.
Labels: heartbreak, sadness
Saturday, December 01, 2007,6:27 PM
Stuck Up Life
i wish that i could find the words to say.
but im speechless.
home alone today..
and i'm loving it..
some peace and quietness, to think and ponder.
i didn't have any food at all, except for the tiny chocolate pie for brunch, which, halfway through, did i realised that it had expired months ago.
still i finished it, anyway no one cares.
don't feel like having my dinner too. so tedious to get out of my hse and buy.
i seem to be crying alot more these days, due to numerous reasons.
with every word exchanged, my dislike for him seems to grow.
everytime a conversation starts, the subject will always be that topic.
it will be followed by some hurtful comments.
and of course, he is not the reason that im crying over. that would just be a waste of my tears. crying only because i felt that i've been wrong, and also the unjust i feel for her. of course he wouldn't want to revert back to previously, the reason is so obvious!
i really feel that i'm very useless, with so many anger boiling inside me and injustice faced, but i can't voice out or retort back. what's the use of plain weeping.
those were also the words he said years ago, and what's with him now.
everything is being said by him; all the craps. and now being taken back. as if he didn't promise them at all.
--------------------------------------
reality.
its really that harsh.
what's with that people look for you when they are in need of you, or when they need you to help them with something. when its not this case, they will disappear and you will not hear from them. until, you initiate the conversation, they had no choice but to reply back a few sentences or so, just to get you off their back.
when you need them by your side, to hear about the things happening in your life, your happiness or your troubles and sorrows, more often than not, they are not there for you.
not only friends, even people you love or claims that they love you.
i only feel used.
who really knows what i'm going through everyday.
"No one."
why is my life this messy.
when will i see the light shining through these darkness.
Labels: sadness
Friday, October 12, 2007,11:02 AM
for the first time in my life, i'm not looking forward to weekends!in fact, i hope that monday will arrive asap.this weekend, i'll be sad, down, miserable and depressed..hope i wouldn't miss him too much.especially when u know that feeling is not being reciprocated =(the feeling of missing someone is too painful, its indescribable. my mind, my heart will start to act as if they have a life of their own.just can't seem to control them.
heart feels as if its threatening to tear apart.
and i don't want that to happen.Labels: sadness
Thursday, August 02, 2007,9:22 AM
haiz.
totally no mood to work now. missing someone so badly right now =(
when there is nth to look forward to after work, the day seemed to drag & pointless.
haiz.
its 7days that i hafta endure. its hard =(
--------------------------
as usual, i enjoyed myself yest.
really can't describe in words, how much i loved to be with u everyday :)
thanks for everything.Labels: *in love*, sadness
Sunday, July 22, 2007,11:11 PM
feeling a lil moody.
not sure what had cause it, though =(
forgot that i cannot haf any cold drink, went to get myself a Giant Slurpee..
haiz, ended up with worse cramp >_<
listening to Elva Hsiao's songs on her first few albums & looking at the lyrics..
all sounded so sad.. which, in turn, adds to my heavy mood ='(
what's with the saying of combating sadness by watching sad dramas, listening to slow sad songs?
all lies =((i don't want to know which day is it tml.
i don't want to wake up.Labels: moody, sadness
Wednesday, July 04, 2007,1:13 AM
haiyo..
today. everyone seems to be so emotional.
is it caused by some kind of force field? or some shifting in the stars? (i wonders ..)
anyway..
someone got me into tears a couple of times today. haha.
tears bcos i felt touched & also the feeling of some .. reluctance.
only till now, did i realised how much i missed the days we had .. & how ..
it will never be the same anymore.
oh shit.
my eyes are watery, now as i'm typing my blog. haha.
& it took a turn for the worse..
crying as in .. really crying out.
its ridiculous how i just can't seem to stop.
` missing the days when we shared jokes
- ` missing the days when we had all the fun
- - ` missing ...... you
----------------------------------
i need my daily dose of chocolate badly.especially those.. RICH chocolate - coated sponge cakes. FULL chocolate!
just imagine .. when u take a little bite into it - warm chocolate starts to flow out ........
Oh My Goodness~ why am i tempting myself.
i'm needing you badly to cope with my mood now.
Labels: moody, sadness
Saturday, June 30, 2007,12:37 AM
my last second day working at Action City.haiz..what's the point of working tml when you aren't working? >_<anyway..i've really enjoyed my work during the past 3 months.i can only say that i'm really so lucky & fortunate to meet all of you bcos we had worked together so well & there aren't any quarrels between us.u guys are so great - you are the BEST!u are the ones that made me climbed out of my bed so early in the morning & dragging myself to work. i would have quit a long time ago, if it weren't for you. bcos u made my life so full of fun & laughter, & time seemed to fly pass with you around. in a blink of an eye, 3 months had passed.haiz..although i don't show it physically, i know i'm gonna miss you all - really bad..i'm REALLY gonna miss you guys..promise we'll still catch up on a regular basis alright.please rmb me, because.. i know i won't forget you ever.really feeling so sad & down now ='(
p.s. Our trip to the Zoo!! don't forget!!!!!otherwise you'll know what i'm gg to do to you, right saiful san. wahaha =P****i~chi****Labels: sadness
Wednesday, June 27, 2007,4:20 PM
supposed to be my off day yest.in the end still need to wake up at usual time to open shop for vivianhaiyo.tired leiafternoon, met saiful after his meeting. went to J8 to see how the store is doing.wow! amazed at their neat & tidy shop display..no wonder sales so good. haiz..wandered around after that. got caught by serene, lena & kelvin.he was like, so paiseh. haha. so cute. i was grinning =P
only told me after they were gone that some will start rumors.but then, i replied that rumors will only be rumors lor. don't haf to care abt it.haha. only said that cos i'll not be working soon liao. left him to handle le.wahahafinally settled for the Men in White movie @ Jubilee AMK.quite reluctant to watch that. cos i know its so stupid.but too bad, the other movies looked worse.slacked in Mc Cafe till movie starts. their double chocolate frappaccino is quite delicious. shld give it a try too.the movie is funny lar. mixed of hokkien + chinese + cantonese + english..
we were laughing all the time. amazed how saiful can understand cos he was laughing non-stop, even at times when i'm not laughing. haiyo >_<
but still.. the movie have no meaning.only funny & lame. then some ppl in the cinema laughed so loud. wah lao. nothing funny, also laugh -_____-"
was alrdy dead tired when i reached home.just flopped on my bed & Zzz.-------------------------------------------------its not always good to sleep early.i've got a horrible nightmare last night.its terrible.really really horrid.its good to know that i'm still alive.bcos it made me realised there are actually so many ppl that i really love + cared about & whom i hoped cared for me too.its really a very frightening nightmare.not just any lame dream.i hope i won't get anymore of it in the future.Labels: general, happy, sadness
Thursday, June 14, 2007,11:43 PM
my tummy hurts -ALOT- today!!!
can't stand up straight. feeling so worse.
can't bring myself frm a place to another.
den later on, even got headache..
my shoulder muscles.. ache like hell.
& i felt sooo cold.. really freezing.
saiful said i'm not human when he touched my hand >_<i don't know what's wrong with my health.no intention of eating lunch initially, cos i really had no appetite at all. but later might haf gastric adding to the pain.. asked jimmy to get me fishball noodles.& it sucks. after eating a couple of mouthfuls.. i received a call that leaves me kinda disappointed. however, i was quite shock also. i mean.. its only been 5 days..... O_o..?? after talking on the phone for 54mins.. i ended up.. with absolute no appetite ----> just threw away that damn no-taste noodles.
but together with the disappointment, i actually felt relieved. don't ask me for the reason.. but i just felt that way.
then.. the more i tink abt it.. the lamer i felt..
that's the lamest thing that i've ever heard in my life!!!
blah. i don't care liaoz.
anyway.. i'm really feeling very unwell & sick now.. i tink i'm gg to take MC tml..
very xin ku =(
sads ='(Labels: moody, sadness
Wednesday, June 06, 2007,1:01 AM
a new part-timer came to work at my shop today. she is so tiny. more smaller in size den me. finally found someone whom i can put my arm on the shoulder. wa.ha.ha.all is well. till...i'm having a really foul mood today, i felt i could just ask the customers to get out IMMEDIATELY so that i can close shop ok. niam all the way to my collegue during closing. some assholes. she still thought its either she offended me/ i got period -_______-"but its neither.my face is so damn 'black'. & million apologies to ppl who tried talking to me. cos i just snapped at them. blame it on my super bad mood if u want.so don't talk to me if u dun want to be snap at.-------------------------Kor is right abt him. He is not serious & everything he said was well, not true i think. to think i stood up for him, that i've known him for a long time & even swear that he is a 100% good person & one of the very few in the world. i guessed i was wrong abt him.
but i really hoped that i've misunderstood.i'm not feeling angry. disappointment is the major emotion.why is it that i'm disappointed.
to which is the reason behind my disappointment?i thought its clear enough for you to see.P.S. pls tell me that i'm not wrong about you. i'm very confused.***************************************************************I’ve been living with a shadow overhead
I’ve been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I’ve been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can’t seem to move on
I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need them again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh
I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere
I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me throught the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end
There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feelI need inspiration
Not just another negotiation
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I’m hoping you’ll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I’ll be there for you in the endLabels: ~心事~, moody, pissed off, sadness
_-*Shamain*-_
